There are times when I wish I wasn’t there within the crowd, afraid that someone will talk to me or approach me. I always lack the right words to say and I always take time to think about what to say that I often stammer. Although I have gained confidence last year, to speak up and talk to strangers, I cannot avoid that feeling of fear when a suspicious stranger comes near.
I have come across this article where you would wish you had Williams Syndrome if you were bad at small talks like me.
“I have to remind myself to stay an arm’s length away from people,” she said. “Otherwise I get too close.” – Now, I would have said that too, even if I don’t have Williams. But those words are taken from the article.
And it said at the end:
It’s not that they’re not awkward, it’s that they’re not afraid of being awkward. They don’t have the fear of looking foolish that holds many of us back. We’re so terrified of that one-in-100 chance of embarrassment or rejection that we avoid the 99 interactions that are more likely to be fulfilling.
I hope introverted individuals would find inspiration in this.
I had only began to dream. But I awoke to the sudden stop of the bus that i rode a few hours ago from my home to a destination that is unfamiliar to me. Why am I travelling? Where am I going? When am I coming back? What am I getting myself into?
All these thoughts briefly took me back to a flashback of a conversation that I had with a friend. She once told me that she loved travelling a lot. Taking a ride and get lost in the middle of nowhere. The thrill of seeing new places and meeting new people. Eating food that is out of this world and writing stuff about it.
I never really understood why she was into that a lot. Why want to go somewhere far away and have fun when you can do it all here, where you live? Sure I get the part of change of scenery. But sitting hours on a bus with obnoxious passengers, sitting on uncomfortable seats, and the risk of accidents on the road mortifies me a lot.
But then I remembered one thing she told me. “I just wanted to get away from it all, even just for a while”
A gush of sudden realization flooded my mind. The reason I took this trip. I had a lot of mishaps at home that pushed me to distance myself from it all, “even for just a little while.”
I saw a reflection of myself on the glass window and it gave me a smirk on my face. I left the bus and surveyed my surroundings. Maybe she had the same reason when she took one of her apparent travels to the unknown. She needed a distraction, a place where she could find herself. Ironic that i once ridiculed the idea of it and now finding myself treading down the same path.
And so i walked. Not knowing what to expect or what outcome will be. I ventured to personally uncharted places and tried to make the best of it. As awkward as it was I was doing it. Like getting lost in a maze of moral relativism. But for what its worth, I had fun.
“Are you just a blade of grass, to be blown by the wind?”
A quote from a character in a game I played a long time ago. It was a scene where a man of considerable reputation and solitude consoling a comrade who is at a loss with his life decisions. As a teen, I could not fathom the meaning of what he said or what the scenario meant.
A man of pessimistic stature like myself will mostly focus on disappointments and heartaches as a subject to ponder on throughout the years of living. Wondering what went wrong and what things could have been done to change it, like removing excrement under a boot.
Pondering on negativity this much has varying effects on each individual. Some fall down, some get up, some won’t, some can’t.Some endure the pain from it and stitch it up, while some turn to submission and acknowledge the pain. Like salt on an open wound.
But how does this relate to the quote? From how I understand it now all those years growing up, Pessimism and negativity can helplessly drag you off your feet and even push you to the brink of despair and insanity. Family and friends and even the person that you love will be there to stop that from happening. The people that you care for will not stand idly by and see you crumble and falter. But of course, it is still your life to live. Your decision to make. And so we go back,
“Are you just a blade of grass, to be blown by the wind?”
Will you be a blade of grass then waiting to be swept away into nothingness? Or will you be a seed to be blown away to the soils of hope and plant a new beginning?
Some things don’t have to be an ending. But it can be a prelude to better things in life.
How does one deal with another? Who is older, supposed-to-be-wiser, and who is expected to understand more than you do?
I happen to know Susie, an older woman than me. I do not know where or how shall I begin about her life but I know that she wants to escalate from where she is right now. She has children, all grown up with families of their own. She claims she raised them well, but they show otherwise in many ways. And now she’s given a chance for survival–more than survival–a ladder to success and wealth. And this is a point-of-view of a woman who’s been trying to help her ever since. I hope that you read through this and I hope that you’ll help me understand them both.
A post shared by Kevin John Bumahit (@kibincosme.images) on Jun 18, 2016 at 12:46pm PDT
She does what she think is right; she manages to go around with what she believes is the right path. The problem is she is doing it all wrong. I am and I want to help her through the ways I can. But how does one help someone who does not want your help at all? I mean, I think that I have been generous to her. I have extended my arms and legs for her. But she’s the one who’s always destroying our connection and she does not even show any effort to help herself or at least she’s trying so hard but she cannot move forward. She does not understand anything that I say. She does not accept anything that I say. Because I am the one who is telling her. It seems that I appear to be harmful to her. Every time I want to help her, she shuts me down. She keeps doing things on her own even if it’s wrong. She makes unnecessary moves that makes things go bad while I am on the process of making something good for her.
I honestly want to reach out to her but I am starting to doubt myself. I do not know if I’m right that she’s wrong or that if I have some flaws or mistakes or did I oversee all this in a wrong way?
And from what I can see…
Susie wants to believe that she is right. She wants to believe and she’s trying her best to believe that what she is doing is great and that she’s always right, no one else is. But when she starts to see that she is somehow wrong, she reacts negatively and looks for something or someone to blame. Apparently, she has always been blaming the woman who’s got nothing to do but help her even if she’s being thrown away for the nth time now.
I would like to ask for your help on this one. Because when I was told about this, I felt like I am carrying a big, heavy rock on my shoulder that I seem to be lost and cannot seem to understand them bot. Who’s right and who’s wrong? Who should I scold and how should I deal with this?
Focus: YOU. and life as we know it, by indivuals from the Northern Lands