All posts by anonymousrooster

Bok Bok

Wavering Sentiments

I do not know what stayed my hand. It was there, right in front of me. The moment I had been anticipating. It was for me to step in and intervene. To stop this madness from ever happening. But then a realization came looming out from the back of my conscience. What right do I have to step in? What manner of authority do I have to meddle in their affairs?

As noble as my intentions were and regardless of my sentiments, in the eyes of society I will be seen as someone putting my nose into other people’s business. I simply wanted to cut off a mistake a close friend is about to make. As I have seen this mistake done in the past.

Ironically, if I am to just stand idly by and do nothing I will be regarded as a person who did nothing to stop a friend moving towards the brink of despair. He wanted her back in his life despite going through a case of infidelity, twice even. Funny how a relationship, no a woman can jeopardize a man’s life in more ways than one.

Am I to do something about this? Will I become the inhibitor to snap him back to the reality he must face, a meddler to their affair. Or will I turn a blind eye and let him handle this on his own, putting my trust in him to handle his own welfare?

Regardless, I have made it a point that this will be the last time I will do this should I decide to pursue. One thing is for sure. I’ve had enough of this. I have not benefit from trying to save people from doing the wrong thing.

My own undoing.
The Daily Post

Relieved: When darkness turns to light

I fell off my bed again.

I woke up gasping for air and cold sweat trickled down my face and body. I was panicking for some reason. As if the thought of death is just looming at the corners of my dark room giving me a glare and ready to take me away to nothingness. With blurred vision and disoriented thoughts i struggled to move myself at the other side of my room to flick the switch of the light and turn it on.

I finally regained my composure the moment the lights went on. I sat on my bed trying to wipe the sweat still trickling down all over me. I had a nightmare again. I try to remember what I was dreaming about but all I could recollect were vivid images of it.

As if the light of my room gave me relief from the ordeal. Its been weeks, no, months that I am like this. I kept dreaming about the people I care for leaving me. But for what reason? I could not fathom. But the more I think about it I have this fear of being left alone. I had people come and go in my life. Some I cared deeply for, some I didn’t even care. But all of them I took for granted.

I could not sleep anymore. I waited for the sun to rise from the east and anticipate its brightness eat away the darkness that surrounded me. My phone clock strike 5:30AM. It was starting to get bright. I felt relieved. I went on to do my usual routine.

As I left my room to the kitchen to do my morning rituals, a thought lingered at the back of my mind.

I was dreaming about “her” again..

Roadtrip

I had only began to dream. But I awoke to the sudden stop of the bus that i rode a few hours ago from my home to a destination that is unfamiliar to me. Why am I travelling? Where am I going? When am I coming back? What am I getting myself into?

All these thoughts briefly took me back to a flashback of a conversation that I had with a friend. She once told me that she loved travelling a lot. Taking a ride and get lost in the middle of nowhere. The thrill of seeing new places and meeting new people. Eating food that is out of this world and writing stuff about it.

I never really understood why she was into that a lot. Why want to go somewhere far away and have fun when you can do it all here, where you live? Sure I get the part of change of scenery. But sitting hours on a bus with obnoxious passengers, sitting on uncomfortable seats, and the risk of accidents on the road mortifies me a lot.

But then I remembered one thing she told me. “I just wanted to get away from it all, even just for a while”

A gush of sudden realization flooded my mind. The reason I took this trip. I had a lot of mishaps at home that pushed me to distance myself from it all, “even for just a little while.”

I saw a reflection of myself on the glass window and it gave me a smirk on my face. I left the bus and surveyed my surroundings. Maybe she had the same reason when she took one of her apparent travels to the unknown. She needed a distraction, a place where she could find herself. Ironic that i once ridiculed the idea of it and now finding myself treading down the same path.

And so i walked. Not knowing what to expect or what outcome will be. I ventured to personally uncharted places and tried to make the best of it. As awkward as it was I was doing it. Like getting lost in a maze of moral relativism. But for what its worth, I had fun.

My only problem now is… How do i get back?

Going Where The Wind Blows

geo photography

Photo by : Geo

“Are you just a blade of grass, to be blown by the wind?”

A quote from a character in a game I played a long time ago. It was a scene where a man of considerable reputation and solitude consoling a comrade who is at a loss with his life decisions. As a teen, I could not fathom the meaning of what he said or what the scenario meant.

A man of pessimistic stature like myself will mostly focus on disappointments and heartaches as a subject to ponder on throughout the years of living. Wondering what went wrong and what things could have been done to change it, like removing excrement under a boot.

Pondering on negativity this much has varying effects on each individual. Some fall down, some get up, some won’t, some can’t.Some endure the pain from it and stitch it up, while some turn to submission and acknowledge the pain. Like salt on an open wound.

But how does this relate to the quote? From how I understand it now all those years growing up, Pessimism and negativity can helplessly drag you off your feet and even push you to the brink of despair and insanity. Family and friends and even the person that you love will be there to stop that from happening. The people that you care for will not stand idly by and see you crumble and falter. But of course, it is still your life to live. Your decision to make. And so we go back,

“Are you just a blade of grass, to be blown by the wind?”

Will you be a blade of grass then waiting to be swept away into nothingness? Or will you be a seed to be blown away to the soils of hope and plant a new beginning?

Some things don’t have to be an ending. But it can be a prelude to better things in life.