Relieved: When darkness turns to light

I fell off my bed again.

I woke up gasping for air and cold sweat trickled down my face and body. I was panicking for some reason. As if the thought of death is just looming at the corners of my dark room giving me a glare and ready to take me away to nothingness. With blurred vision and disoriented thoughts i struggled to move myself at the other side of my room to flick the switch of the light and turn it on.

I finally regained my composure the moment the lights went on. I sat on my bed trying to wipe the sweat still trickling down all over me. I had a nightmare again. I try to remember what I was dreaming about but all I could recollect were vivid images of it.

As if the light of my room gave me relief from the ordeal. Its been weeks, no, months that I am like this. I kept dreaming about the people I care for leaving me. But for what reason? I could not fathom. But the more I think about it I have this fear of being left alone. I had people come and go in my life. Some I cared deeply for, some I didn’t even care. But all of them I took for granted.

I could not sleep anymore. I waited for the sun to rise from the east and anticipate its brightness eat away the darkness that surrounded me. My phone clock strike 5:30AM. It was starting to get bright. I felt relieved. I went on to do my usual routine.

As I left my room to the kitchen to do my morning rituals, a thought lingered at the back of my mind.

I was dreaming about “her” again..

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