Honestly, I do not know how to express myself today as I badly want to talk about friends and friendship. Because to me it is as sacred as love and as deep as emotions can go. My mind can be as complicated and my words can be out of line, because this is something I cherish and really care about: Friendship.
I have a very small circle of friends. I have my innermost circle, the only three people in my life who knows me from inside out and does not need me to talk for them to know how I feel or what I am thinking. I have my inner circle, the people I keep close to my heart as I have shared some pieces of my private life. They’re just a few I can even count them within my ten fat fingers.
But what are friends anyway and how do we choose them? Who are your friends and who considers you as one even when you don’t really think and feel the same way? How do we keep them and how come we lose some of them? Why do we have friends and why does it even matter if you have one or if you don’t have any at all? Why do you need this so called “friends”?
I have learned that fighting within friends is healthy. When you fight and reconcile, your bond…your friendship becomes deeper and stronger. When you argue or when you physically fight, that is healthy too. It does not mean that when you fight, you lose them already. It’s just a matter of time when you’ll be okay again and the next thing you know, you’re laughing at the same silly jokes. Sometimes I envy those who fight and debate and argue because I have never fought with my innermost circle. I may have had those awkward moments due to shouting and we were like silent and not talking to each other at all, for a whole day. But that’s just it. After that, we’re bffs again and nothing less since then. I may not have those serious fights all friends have, but I am telling you to fight and argue once in a while. Because friendship says so. And if you do not reconcile after 3 years then you were never really that close or you were never really friends.
I have watched people come and go. I have witnessed friendship towers built and shattered into pieces. But that is normal, that is life. “Win some, lose some” they say. There are times when you have to let go because it suffocates you and you feel like dying every time you see them. But then, that is normal. In time you’ll be back and you’ll want them in your life again. If you don’t, then your bond was not that strong.
I do not know what else to say but I want to direct this to the people who might need it…
In friendship, you never really lose anything or anyone. You only have Friendship Pauses and Time Outs and I-Hate-You-Now-but-I-Love-You-Tomorrow moments. You only have You-are-my-enemy-today-but-I-still-care-about-you times. My point is, no matter how big or small your fight is, if you are truly friends, you will never think that you lost your people.
You only lose someone when you stop caring and you stop believing and you stop trusting FRIENDSHIP itself. I want you to know that nobody really cares about what you think and how you feel unless you change the way you think about FRIENDSHIP and winning and losing friends. I want you to understand that sometimes you have to assert yourself first before even thinking about losing people. Cause you don’t lose people even when they’re dead.
The stubborn me would think and act and say it this way:
” I don’t care! I lose you, then so be it! There are many people out there who could be my friends. Who cares if you’re not my friend anymore? You don’t trust me? Okay. Not my problem. “
But that is just a self-defense mechanism. And if they don’t get you when you drop those words, then you were not friends to begin with. But if they understood what you meant by that, then everything will be okay. Maybe not now or not even in a week’s time, but it will be okay. Its just a Waiting Game you’ll have to play.
P.S. I may be so dramatic when it comes to this topic, but please don’t be dramatic over it. I am the only one who’s supposed to be this way.
I might be rude in sharing my thoughts about fighting with friends. And I might have rambled quite a lot here, but am just stating my thoughts. I just…I don’t want you to think and feel so down about FRIENDSHIP. I have yet to share about this topic but I shall stop right now cause it’s a very long post already and I can’t wait for you guys to read this.
adieu mon ami!